Jayne says:

Funn,
The swinging practice would likely apply to couples who enjoy aspects of a normal marriage (co-habitation, companionship, love, enjoyment of each other’s company), but are open to having another sexual partner once in awhile. Perhaps for these couples, sex is but a physical enjoyment and doing it with another person other than their spouse does not necessitate loving each other less. Rather than cheat behind each other’s back (which involves betrayal), they would rather be in the know of who the third or fourth party is. It’s still an honest activity after all.

You imply jealousy in a normal couple when they are physically intimate with someone other than their spouse. Some people have this fetish where they don’t mind. I think the number of swinging couples is still rare (don’t know how you get invited to such a party after all) because of the possessive traits spouses normally have over each other in terms of physical intimacy. Actually, I do believe men would prefer to have a threesome (2 women) rather than swing their wives for another.

For swing couples, the act of having sex with another person other than your spouse (with your spouse’s awareness) is a form of mutual consent. It is a physical enjoyment and there is no emotional betrayal, unlike keeping a mistress, where the man may actually have feelings for the woman. In addition, lust and desire for a third party does not equate to love and stronger emotional bonds.

It was widely speculated that Tony Leung had real sex with Tang Wei in “Lust, Caution” due to the camera angles, which did not leave room for Tony to do anything else other than engage in real sex. Ang Lee spoke about the filming process for these scenes and how difficult it was for Tony and himself to film those scenes. The rooms were thickly padded to prevent leaking of noise and allegedly only Ang Lee was inside the room with Tony Leung and Tang Wei in those bedroom scenes.

I didn’t watch “Lust, Caution” so I can’t determine whether Tony truly engaged in sex with Tang Wei. I watched Felix Wong’s appearance on Stephen Chan’s “Be My Guest” and Stephen asked Felix what he thought about Tony’s “professionalism” in “Lust, Caution.” Felix widened his eyes in shock and said, “I don’t understand why Tony had to do that, since he is already so established in his career. Why did he have to do THAT?” It appears that Felix believed Tony engaged in true intimacy in Tang Wei and neither actors denied it, so it’s left for us to speculate.

If Tony did have sex with Tang Wei, you can argue it was professional and perhaps necessary for the depth of the film’s sexuality. If it did occur, Carina Lau is okay with it, likely because she knew about it ahead of time and it is a physical activity and not regarded as emotional cheating.

When a spouse cheats with a third party, it is the emotional cheating which hurts the most. There are expectations of being exclusive, but if couples establish and agree on non-exclusivety together, it would be fine for them.

I watched “Eyes Wide Shut” a few years back, so the details are hazy now. I do believe there was a swinging party in the film, which delved on Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman’s marriage, where they have desire for other people. The film explored psychosexual yearnings and struggle against commitment in a marriage. Interesting topic, maybe I should revisit the film.

Jayne says:

Funn,
Hehe you should watch “Eyes Wide Shut” or perhaps there is a book of the same title. People are bored these days and fetishes of every sort exist.

Since Tony is such a great actor and Ang Lee a good director, I don’t see why they couldn’t achieve the same degree of sexuality without real sex? I found the intimate scenes in “Brokeback Mountain” between Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall very effective. There seemed to be an intensity between the male leads that seemed very real, which was effective without real sex.

Jayne says:

Funn,
I checked out the Book Depository site you recommended last time, but they do not seem to offer gift certificates?