Ruco Chan Thanks Phoebe Sin for Making His Life Complete
Ruco Chan (陳展鵬) became more easygoing and relaxed after getting married to Phoebe Sin (單文柔) and welcoming the birth of their daughter Quinta. As a busy actor, Ruco appreciates Phoebe’s sacrifices and dedication to their family, “She gives me peace of mind when I go to work.” In return, Ruco is also a very supportive and understanding husband.
Changes After Marrying Phoebe
Phoebe introduced novelty in his life and changed Ruco’s way of thinking. For example, Ruco used to shy away from social media, but he is now more open in sharing snippets of his daily life with his fans. He said, “I used to be boring. I didn’t know what to say other than work. I wasn’t very interesting. After marriage, I had more topics to talk about.”
Married for three years, Ruco made sure to be more expressive and shower Phoebe with love through actions. Although he is not deliberately romantic, he would pay attention to what she likes. “When shopping, I would remember that Phoebe wanted to try a bakery. I would ask, ‘You said last week you wanted to try it–why don’t we go there together?’”
Makes Sure Phoebe Feels Supported
During Phoebe’s pregnancy, Ruco knew that his wife was nervous and he was worried for her well-being. Although the couple moved to live closer to Phoebe’s mother, she suffered from prenatal depression and continued to struggle emotionally after Quinta’s birth.
“One day, I came home after work at 2 a.m. and saw Phoebe crying uncontrollably. She cried because she couldn’t pump enough breast milk and was scared that our daughter would be hungry. I saw her mental health deteriorated, and I was worried that she would suffer from depression. I told her, ‘You don’t need to sink further. Don’t think too much. I’m here. I can help with bottle feeding.’ Slowly she got better,” Ruco recalled.
Understanding that motherhood is not easy, Ruco tried his best to help Phoebe feel confident and comfortable. “Phoebe would stress about being a good mother, how to breastfeed and allocate time to take care of our daughter. I would tell her that it’s okay if our daughter doesn’t get fed for the full hour.” He continued, “During this time, Phoebe was under a lot of pressure. She wants to do her best, but how can everything be perfect? We need to accept that nothing is perfect.”
To help Phoebe stay grounded and to alleviate her concerns, Ruco would remind her of their blessings. A healthy baby is already the biggest blessing. “We should be grateful and not try to chase for perfection. I would remind her of these spiritual blessings and let her slowly understand them.”
Thankful for Wife’s Sacrifices
As Phoebe had studied fashion design, she postponed her career goals after becoming a full-time mother. Recognizing her sacrifices for their family, Ruco said, “In these three years, she gave up on her dreams and what she wanted to do. She devoted herself to our family and sacrificed time with friends. My daughter is 2 years old, and she passed the stage where she needs her mother the most. Now that my relatives can also help take care of our daughter, I would tell Phoebe to do what she likes, but she doesn’t seem to want to let go.”
Thankful for how well Phoebe takes care of their family, Ruco feels secure and can focus better when he leaves home for work. “Before I couldn’t understand the comfortable feeling a man has when he goes to work. Phoebe makes me feel very relieved. As I watch my daughter grow up, I know it’s because of Phoebe’s efforts.
“Long ago I wanted to give up on [dating] and stop meeting other women. If it were not for Phoebe’s appearance, I would live a very dry life. She made me very happy, and I thank her for choosing me,” Ruco said.
This article is written by Sammi for JayneStars.com.
IMO Phoebe has more gain than sacrifice for marrying Ruco. Ruco during that time was the most eligible bachelor and Phoebe should consider herself very lucky for getting him.
I agree.. I think Phoebe got lucky instead.
@hetieshou Disagree. Ruco is the one who got lucky for marrying a younger woman.
Not every young women on this earth prefer to be with older men.
Oh come on Ruco! No need to be such a drama king! Both of you are not the only married couple around so there’s no need to dramatise about her sacrifices. Couples make sacrifices for each other! Nowadays all you read about Ruco is about his dayggter or wife … not about his acting or sunging achievements. In fact his popularity slipped so bad when he started seeing this girl and I think he never recovered since then…talk about bringing luck! To him— Hmmm
Being a stay at home mom is so difficult. You can easily lose your sense of self and purpose. Too often the wife takes care of everything while the husband takes her for granted. It is nice that Ruco shows appreciation to Phoebe, hopefully he is truly supportive outside interviews too.
It depends on the situation because mainly the privileged are able to afford having one parent home. Many husbands are supportive and help the wife out too. Going out to work and make money is challenging too. They both have difficulties but just different types. I had a friend who is a stay at home mom but does not need to do much and gets spoiled so being a stay at home mom is not that bad.
@hetieshou It all depends on if being stay at home was truly chosen by the mom. Sometimes the choice is not theirs. Childcare costs more than their salary, lack of work flexibility for when kids or mom get sick, difficulty juggling home life and schooling, etc. If the choice was because of circumstances, mom is at risk for depression, feeling alienated, unappreciated, and a lower sense of worth. They tend to use their children’s accomplishments as their measure of self value. It’s a very real psychological problem experienced by many stay at home moms.
My friends who are stay at home moms are depressed and feel self-conscious about their worth. When I had extended maternity leaves with my own kids, I felt trapped and sluggish being home. I barely had time to eat or shower myself, and then felt judged when someone asked what I did all day with my “free” time. It’s not easy caring for a baby or kid that can find numerous ways of accidentally killing itself. And then when the husband comes home, it’s not time for mom to get a break, she has to care for him too. And telling a stay at home she can also work from home is adding unneeded stress because it implies because she isn’t contributing financially, she isn’t contributing. She’s already contributing by saving the family money and doing all the physical, mental, emotional responsibilities.
I find an 8-5 job so much easier because I can leave my work in the office, I can request for vacation days, I have other people to chat with about fluff or complex educational topics, I can eat an uninterrupted 1 hr lunch, I am appreciated when I innovate, etc.
I know you mention that your sister-in-laws don’t contribute to the family as much, but I find that experience the outlier. Most of the time, there is an unequal division of the home responsibilities with the wife taking majority of the burden. That’s just the way it is and have been for centuries. Go to a pediatric office, a PTA meeting, a grocery store, a soccer game, which parent is likely there? Ask a kid, who cook dinner, cleaned dishes, laundry, vacuumed, called the repairman, opened the mail and paid the bills? Sure, dad’s do some of that, but that isn’t the majority. All these tasks add up, especially if also working full time.
Trust me, I know it all too well as my friendship with one of my long time friends ended over this same issue. But it honestly depends on the situation. First of all, can the couple afford to have one parent stay home? It is very hard to live on one income. Let me tell you my former friend’s situation. She married a rich guy, gets a free house all paid for, a free car, and everything all paid for. She gets spending money each month too. She rarely cooks and they eat out at high end restaurants nearly everyday. She is very privileged but yet she thinks she sacrificed so much being a stay at home mom. Maybe the kids are babies you do more but once they get old enough, you don’t do as much so you have a lot more free time. She was even folding her shopping bags that her husband asked her what she was doing.
In my family, my brothers did most of the work when it came to child care and I helped them as their wives did nothing. My cousin cared for her kids and worked part time so it is doeable. But of course her husband helped her too so don’t think all men are bad and don’t contribute. In my family, the men do a lot more. My brother had to stay at one point as he got laid off. My former friend was telling him to work which I found her hypocritical as she went against her BS about having one parent stay home. Of course as my brother has to pay his own mortgage and all while she got a free house.
I guess my point is, both parents should play a part in caring for the kids or they will resent you. I see it with my nephews now as they resent their mom who only works and neglects them.
Like I have said, I took care if my ill parents for years which is 20 times more work than caring for a child. I got judged by relatives and all too but I can careless as I knew that I did the right thing so I don’t need to regret it later on. Staying home is not quite as bad many make it out to be as there are worse things. Maybe some are so spoiled that even a scratch on the arm is too much for them.
@hetieshou I think every situation is different and it is hard to judge unless you are the person in that situation. Your friend with the rich husband may seem like she should have no worries, but you aren’t with her 24 hours a day and don’t know how her husband talks to her or treats her. She could be emotionally abused, she could be treated like a kept worman, she could be treated as worthless because she doesn’t bring in money. One may say it is her choice, but that doesn’t justify negative treatment. As children age, you no longer have to worry about feeding them every 3 hours or changing diapers, but there are other worries. You care for their physical health, their mental health, their education, their safety, their discipline and molding them to be kind people. This takes conscious effort.
I applaud you for helping with your nephews and nieces, but it is a different feel and mental responsibility than being their parent. Your sister-in-laws are the outliers, because 80 percent of other mothers are the primary caregivers. I see this with my family, my friends, and the thousands of families that I work with at my job.
I also commend you for taking care of your elderly parents. That is hard to see our rocks lose their abilities to care for themselves. It is hard, but I wouldn’t say it is necessarily harder than taking care of a child. Each have its different challenges. Adults are bigger, heavier to bath, toilet, feed and attend to safety. That is definitely harder. But sadly, it’s a finite time, which is liberating and guilt inducing. In the circle of life, our parents are suppose to die before us. With our kids, we take care of them and worry until we die. You have to discipline a child and not an adult. And if your child is special needs, especially one who would never be able to take care of herself as an adult, that responsibility is indefinite.
It is sad that your nephews are resenting their mom. But in the typical situation where the dad works and not care for children, do kids resent their dads? Not usually heard of. People just tell the kids that the dad is working hard to afford their X, Y & Z and to be grateful. I don’t think that is right at all, but it is interesting how moms have different expectations.
I think if your friend is confiding in you about how hard it is to be stay at home, just listen between the lines. It’s not about the chores, it’s the unseen mental stress and interactions with her husband and family. Women can’t win. If they work, then they aren’t caring enough for the children. If they stay-at-home, they are freeloaders and shouldn’t complain. You can’t use your friends or sister-in-laws to discount other mom’s experiences. It’s like how you didn’t appreciate being judged, they don’t either, their struggles may be just as real. How I parent is different than how another mother parents, but each of us have our own challenges, and empathy towards that will make the world better.
I know but I must say in my former friend’s situation, it is not what you say at all.I actually lived with her for a period of time so do know that she is treated very well. She is nothing like you said. She actually became quite arrogant and thinks her husband loves her the most and all that. My point is she is very privileged but yet thinks she is sacrificing everything. She judged my brother’s situation which I hated. My sister in law was extremely angry when I told her about it.
I can tell you that I have taken care of elders and children so that is why I can compare them. I think they both have their difficulties but I feel taking care of elderly is way harder as I have done both. Taking care if kids is easier in the sense that at least they are physically healthy. My late parents literally laid in one spot. It was way harder… of course kids with special needs are exceptions so you cannot compare with that.
It is sad but it is my sister in law did it to herself as she put herself and money above her kids. She caused the winds so needs to suffer the storm. I don’t know what world you live in, but many kids do resent their dads. As you can see with Nicholas Tse whose son canceled him. Francis Ng mentioned about how neglectful his dad is to him. In my family, my cousins resented my uncle for neglecting them too.I am sure there is way more cases too. Times are changing and women are more career oriented now so the trend is increasing in them neglecting their kids.
She is not my friend anymore as I could not stand such a selfish person like her who thinks she is the best. I am not discounting other moms as my late mother was a wonderful mother and one of the best in the world. My father was not a good father and was a narcissist. My aunt had 11 kids and took care of them all herself and is another wonderful mother. I had another aunt that just sat on her butt while everyone did all the work. It is not just a woman or man thing as men sacrifice a lot too. You saw even Jimmyszeto mentioned about his neglectful wife while he does it all. My point it is not just women but men sacrifice too. With my former friend’s case, I just hate how she judged my brothers situation but yet think it is ok for her. She actually said this about my brother which was “he needs to swallow his pride and go find a job. He has a tough situation now, he has a house and a baby”. At that time, he just bought a house and just had my first nephew. She was similar to that but she a got free house and had everything covered for her.
But yes, everyone has their challenges and whoever sacrifices deserves the credit regardless if they are the man or woman. What I hated with my friend was that she lived in her privileged little world and did not realize how it is to truly struggle but yet gives herself so much credit.
@hetieshou Your friend is not right to judge your brother. Why did you live with her? Did she need help with caring for her kids? She doesn’t sound happy staying home, perhaps she should choose another situation that gives her fulfillment. I still think it is hard to know her exact situation without being her, because you may live with her, but you weren’t there in her bedroom or private times. You are likely right that she was a whiny brat, but you can’t use her situation to generalize that being stay at home is not tough. Because for the majority of mothers, it may bring significant challenges and stresses, some well documented in psychology.
Even though you took care of the elderly and kids, it’s still not quite comparable because you babysat the kids. It is a different mindset when you know you will be responsible for this little person for the rest of its life. It really is, and when you become a mother or life guardian of child, you will know that there are different stresses. I don’t mean to sound patronizing, but it truly is different.
Yes, there are husbands that contribute equally to the household. We need more of them, that’s my main point. In my circle of friends, there is maybe 1 husband that contributes equally. In my 16 year career working with families, the majority of the male spouses do not contribute equally. Again, it’s about the majority. Men simply have it easier in society.
Culturally, we have been socialized to view women and family is specific ways. Many have a strong association that women are supposed to be family oriented and men career oriented, even though both genders are suppose to be equal these days. Consider taking an Implicit Association Test. I took the Gender Career one and was very surprised by my results. It is not bad to have an unconscious bias because we all do, but it is important to be aware of them to make sure our judgements are fair. These tests come from Harvard, millions of them have been administered. I always come out learning more about myself after I take one.
The problem is that in recent decades plenty of women have grown up as single daughters or grown up and treated like princesses. They are the ones being taking fully care of without much hardship or having to do household tasks. The background makes it tough for them to transform into a caring ‘hands on’ housewife/mother when they have been idle in all the years before marriage. The same can be said for some men too. There are less of push for early maturity nowadays..
@jimmyszeto Tell me about it. All those single children in China – mostly boys since they aborted all the girls – have a term labeled after them, “Little Emperors.”
Thankfully the tide is finally turning over now that most families know girls are a better investment. When you raise someone as an only child, there’s usually a sense of entitlement. But to blame women when this has been happening forever with men, is just asinine. Either way it’s not good for men or women, but women gets the shaft because they’re the easier target.
Yeh. Agree. Males are spoilt as single child and some traditional families still consider to be a success to give birth to a male. The adoration and forgiveness for the male from parents can turn them into idle, spoon fed individuals who are incapable of working hard towards a successful career. Single child females will also usually also get better treatment than they if there were bundles of kids. Parents will give what they have to the child and less chores/responsibilities will be taught while they grow up. I saw my wife practicing washing dishes 2 weeks before marriage as an example…
Yes and it applies to both male and females. I see it with my siblings as my late parents were sexist. Regardless of gender, they all must all be taught responsibility.
You are so right! Another thing is society is more modernized now so more women work and not just stay home with the kids. It depends on her personality and how she was raised too. But regardless of gender, if they are spoiled then they will not be capable parents. Or if they focus too much on career then they will neglect their kids.
Plus you can work from home too. My cousin did with 2 little kids until she got laid off.
@hetieshou Disagree. Ruco is the one who got lucky for marrying a younger woman. Not every young women on this earth prefer to be with older men.
Just because a man marries a younger woman he is considered lucky? Ok…..
@hetieshou Just because a younger woman married a celebrity who is older than her she is consider lucky? Ok…
What the hell?..
@hetieshou You have mentioned that you think Phoebe got lucky for marrying Ruco. Yeah right’ just because a younger woman married a celebrity who is older than her she is consider lucky?
I guess so…
@hetieshou You guess what?
I am guessing English is not your first language if you did not know what I meant.
@hetieshou You still didn’t answer my question. You have mentioned that you think Phoebe got lucky for marrying Ruco. I’m asking why do you think that a young woman who married a celebrity older than her she is consider lucky?
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